Tag Archives: Shopping

A really shitty situation

Everyday Life, Parenting, Shopping Leave a comment

So lately I’ve been at a loss of what to write about. Shocker I know. But sincerely nothing has been blog worthy. So here’s just an update that I’m still alive and doing well. Well, well most of the time. Mentally I’m exhausted. Ginger and I are dealing with some not great behavioral issues with Dude. We’ve chalked it up to a control thing. Before I go into any sort of detail, you should know, he does not know about the bun I’m baking in the oven. This is really hard for me to write about. admitting I’m having an actual parenting problem. Meltdowns are minor compared to the shit he’s been pulling. And literally we’re talking shit. Oh and mustard.

So started off by me working away in the office..Ho hum ho hum…and Dudes playing in his room. Or is he? This is nothing out of the ordinary for my house. I have always been able to trust Dude. He’s never been the kid you have to watch out for if he’s too quiet. He knows when I’m working its time for him to play or colour, or watch TV. Pretty much anything goes as long as Mom isn’t disturbed. So anyways I’m finished up and decide to let Dude know I’m still alive..and make sure he is. And there is it. A Big. Fat. Turd. Sitting on the carpet staring at me with its stinky eyes. Dude obviously knew after the fact this was not his best idea to date, because he had been silently trying to clean up his mess with my bathroom hand soap. If your thinking accident, I can assure you not. Turds do not just fall out of a person. If they did you’d be wearing depends yourself. Yes I am at least glad he was trying to clean it up. But that’s not the point. I realize at this point his room needs a good clean. Never know where else theses turds could be hiding.  So we clean everything (and by we I mean me) and purge a lot. Any old toys and odds and ends he’s decided to hoard in his room. You’d be surprised at what 4 year olds decide what would be a good prize to keep. However he was not surprised to see Me, Mom, think otherwise. All clothes not in drawers got washed. Clean or dirty. All bedding. Floor cleaned and vacuumed, and all toys back where they belong. In the basement. The only thing I left, were clean clothes, his bed, and his box of chalk. It was like a brand new room. And I was happy with it.

After a couple days everyone had put the incident in the past. And then…I went in to get the dirty laundry and there it was. Hiding under some dirty clothes. The chalk container. Emptied of chalk. Full of shit. Fanfkingtastic! As you probably would be aswell…I’m disgusted. It takes a lot (I’m guessing) of thought and concentration to shit in a tiny pail. And then I look up. There are pretty pictures of stick people on the wall. Some in blue pen, some in black, and some in red. Then I turn and pick up more clothes (and I was also wondering where all these dirty clothes came from in only 4 days) and there we have it. Mustard. On the carpet. Dried. Soaked in. Mustard. Awesome. Thank you Child. This is exactly what I wanted to clean today. Shit. Mustard. And pen on the walls. Have I mentioned we are renters?

Lucky for Dude Cleaning lady was over.  I had time to take a lot of deep breaths. He got a talking to once she left…after 2 hours. But I would have liked to strangle the kid. Not really. Well maybe. Totally kidding. Actually, probably kinda. Not gunna lie.

After some time, and googling, and talking with other, wiser parents of older children, and my midwife. I’ve found out that these kind of behaviors are common in children. At least in some. I guess they notice a change in environment and feel like they aren’t getting quite as much attention, and they are trying to gain control. Control and attention. Perfect.

If you’re wondering if I got Picasso’s art cleaned up, the answer is yes. And no. Black pen, even with magic eraser is one son of a beep to get off white walls. Thank you Mr. Clean for being ever so reliable. Mustard on the other hand not so much.

And for your other two questions of;

What are we doing to fix this problem? and Where was I during the second incident?

Well we are focusing on getting Dude the attention he is looking for…positive attention that is. Looks like we need to be spending some more “quality” time. Good thing summer is coming.  Ginger will be working less (hopefully) than the 156 hours every 2 weeks, and camping season is just around the corner. And second, where was I you asked? Well I was sleeping. Napping actually. But before you jump to conclusions so was Dude. At least he was when I had laid down. How long he was up before waking me up is something you and I will both never know. Long enough to poop in a pail, make some beautiful art, and decide yellow was going to be the palette of choice for his HQ.

I bet your hoping for my sake this was the end of these undesirable events. It wasn’t. We were out of town last weekend, and stopped at a very large, very busy mall (previously to going to the mall, we spent the night at a hotel, where we as a family enjoyed activities such as watching TV while in the jaccuzi and water sliding). Anyways we weren’t shopping 10 minutes and out of no where, Dude bolts in the opposite direction. Which is another act, totally out of character..atleast for my perfect little rugrat. Luckily Ginger was able to see him running. Do you think he’d come when being called though? Of course not. Lets make this shopping trip a marathon. What he probably didn’t know is that Dads are fast runners. And they always win. And last but not least. We had supper like usual 3 nights ago, we visited, and then Dude got ready for bed, and I tucked him in. Just like every night. We had company over that night. He was here for a course and stopped by for a quick visit. Apparently Dude hadn’t been sleeping, because we heard some banging noises. We thought it might be the neighbors, but checking on Dude is never a bad idea (especially lately). And there he was. Caught. Red handed. Or brown is more like it. Thought he was missing out on the action, so he did what he knew, gets adults attention best… Yay.

Now I can hopefully say this is the end of shitty situation I’ve had the pleasure of cleaning lately. Hopefully it’s a phase. And hopefully it’s over. Dude woke up sick this morning, and as every parent knows, no matter how naughty a child has been, when they come down with something, the world stops, nothing they’ve ever done matters, and ALL your attention is on them and making them feel better again. I bet this is going to be right up his alley.

Did I tell you Ginger and I booked a trip to Jamaica sans kido in 36 days?

Hold the stick!

Pregnancy Leave a comment

Well good morning Tuesday! After I rolled off the blog yesterday, Monday wasn’t anything short of exciting. Scratch that. I meant overwhelming. As you probably wouldn’t know yet. We (Ginger and I) are getting married in approximately exactly 9 months. Yay right? -wait for it- In the DOMINICAN!!! Paarrttaaay!  Double Yay! We can’t wait. Everything is booked, I have my dress, date is picked, and invitations are sent. Already received 2 RSVPs (one was a no, but hey who’s counting). Including Ginger, myself, and Dude, there is about 40 family members and friends who have put their deposit down to spend our special day, and week, with us in Punta Cana. Nothing could be more perfect! Until yesterday. It all changes. I can’t even tell you why I did it, what gravitated me towards Shoppers, but I went in. And I only went for one specific item.  It must be serious when a woman slightly addicted to shopping, and unconsciously makes it a goal to spend more than $100 in any given store in which sells merchandise only buys ONE ITEM!

A pack of gum.

Just kidding. A pregnancy test.  So go home, pee on it, don’t wait 3 minutes, and look at it. Now before I tell you the results. Ginger and I have been trying for baby number 2 for the last 9 months. (what is it with 9 months everywhere?) We somewhat stopped in January…and kind of gave up…for the simple fact we have a destination wedding coming up. And if were being honest I secretly thought Ginger wasn’t working… Rude I know. But you can never never never blame yourself. Woman rule number 1) you are always right. Woman rule number 2) It is never your fault. Soo anyways… we had stopped trying. And then BAM! Two lines. Instantly. And after 3 minutes, they were the proudest damn two pink lines you ever did see. Finally a positive! Oh wait. Oh fk! Wedding is in 9  months. Babies take 9 months! Do I cry? I can’t cry we wanted this. Ok I’ll hyperventilate. Holy fk it’s for real. Oh shit my finger tips are tingling. Oh fk this anxiety can’t be good for the…the.. omfg the baby! Call Ginger. No Can’t call Ginger he’s working. Call Mom. No can’t tell mom, have to wait until person and Dads home from work. Oh no I’m going to get fat. My dress isn’t going to fit. Now I’m sobbing a bit. definitely feeling sorry for myself. Fk my mother in-law was right. Bitch. So was preggo friend. Double bitch. Fk. Fk. Fk. Fksakes for mother in-law and preggo friends for being right. I hate that mother in-law gets to say I told you so. I hate preggo friend gets to say I told you so even more. Fk shit. Fk. Shit. Fk. Email travel agent.

Subject: Uh oh..

Hey so I have a bitter sweet situation on my hands… Looks like I might be pregnant….What are mine and my guests options? Please tell me we have some. …ahhhh worst timing ever!!

Her response.

Oooh that is bitter sweet! Didn’t Ginger’s mom think that was going to happen and I said don’t do it?? lol jk…

Gee wizzz I’m super glad I was so predictable people.

Call bestfriend. No answer. Waaahh. Time to go get Dude from school. Sob about dress. Almost get in accident. Pull it together woman. It’s not the end of the world. Buuuutttt it isssss the end of the wooorrrrllddd! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  Ok. So deep breath. Pull it together. You only have 9 months as Dude being your only child, and 4 hours to think of a cute way to tell Ginger hes going to be a dad again.

Get home, start planning. Looking up ways on the google. Then what. He pulls up. He’s home. 2 hours early. What?! Shit. scrap that idea. Ok. Just tell him. Showed him the stick. His response.

“Pee on another one in a few days then come talk to me”

Uhm what? Is this a joke? Are you being serious right now? Oh gawd now I really want to cry. Not a funny joke Ginger. Talk about your baby mama drama!

And with all this going on, I completely forgot about meeting a stranger at a gas station that I later realized doesn’t exist in my town, to drop off an item, she “bought” from me off of Facebook. I’m such a tool. Perfect example of how self centered people (me) can be. First world problems. Today I’m cool, and collected, and 2nd day of the next 9 months. Which I’m sure will be crazy with my life problems…which to anyone else wouldn’t be problems..I mean I still get a wedding, and a baby. I think I need to suck it all the fk up and deal.

Missing remotes and boring lunches

Everyday Life Leave a comment

Yesterday mother in-law texts. She’s out shopping around at the mall with her buddy, and asked if I’d meet them for lunch…We ended up going to a restaurant I actually like, and let me assure you, it isn’t fast food. That wasnt the only bonus about lunch yesterday. Not one comment was uttered about anything I eat…or dont. Woohoo! Progress! So the lady I portrayed as the monster in-law really isn’t. Let me make this clear. She was not fit for the monster in-law title before yesterday. I can be a little dramatic sometimes (mainly all the time).  She’s a wonderful woman…she’s very opinionated, as am I.  I just know for the sake of our relationship I keep my lips zipped when she’s around. Yes, oh I totally agree,  Yeah I guess your right, I’ve never thought of it that way.  See how un-opinionated I can be? Blah that’s boring. But I’m sure your guilty of it too. So cut the crap  of be yourself blah blah blah. If you have in-laws, you know how to play the cards. Your other halve knows your whole half, which I guess is just your whole, and that’s who your with anyways…right! So lunch went well, Buddy who’s loud, and a woman that needs no other description was actually…well quite. What the fk! Well quiet lunches can make for a pretty boring and awkward, uneventful afternoon. Might aswell of sat in a corner facing table by myself. Sheesh! I suppose it’s the company of others I should be enjoying. It was a lot of so who hows the weather?, yeah remember the weather that day? Dude eat your (disgusting) potatoes, why are you going lingerie shopping? whats the occasion, oh Mexico? Cool!

Shoot Me.

So as you can see, It’s not like I look for eventful, or exciting things to go on during my day, they just happen. So when I get a day like yesterday thrown in, you can see how disappointing it can be…for me anyways…and probably for you too, if your actually reading through all of my daily posts.

You know what I can thrown in today… I could tell you about my love for online shopping, and especially eBay! But you know what I really can’t fking stand?! Being outbid! You know when you find something you want, buying outright isn’t and option..you have 2 days left and there has been ZERO bidding history…then you bid and BAM! your counter bidding every 5 minutes! Fk I hate that. Like as if its not the seller, bidding on another eBay account. Arrrgg!  You know what else really grinds my gears. Loosing the remote. Not the TV remote..I could care less about that one. But the sound bar. This morning was supposed to be a morning of watching Frankinweenie with Dude, but no sound bar remote to be found. Screw that idea if I can’t feel like I’m in the theatre. Dude’s now being forced to clean his room to help find said remote. I’ve looked everywhere! I may have just maybe thrown it out, the day I was cleaning that was NOT cleaning day. Remember? The day speedy prix went for a rip and we had our special company over. Of course it went missing after that day so deep down I really want to blame them. Hey bitch you took my remote! Give it back! But then I start thinking sensible. What would they want with a remote anyways? Yeah exactly, nothing. I guess I should get down to really really looking for that thing… I’ve looked in all the obvious missing remote places, and there is no way I’m digging through the garbage outside. So If anyone had any helpful, unlikely places to suggest, I would greatly appreciate it.

Yours truly,

Spoiled brat who can’t watch regular sounding TV

Pull out my hair and pour me a glass!

Parenting, Shopping Leave a comment

So here I am, fat pants on, and a glass in hand,  sitting behind my laptop twiddling my thumbs as to where I should start telling you, about what is to you, the very first day of my life.

Lets see hmmm, well it only makes sense to tell you about the beginning… Let me take you back to 2 pm. Yup that’s right 2 pm was the start of my day. Ok well I was up before 2, but I was mostly laying in bed pinteresting the morning away.  Dude was watching Netflix, and when that happens I could be dead for all he knows. Everyone with a 4 year old addicted to T.V. knows that parenting is only optional while children are in zoned in on the flat screen.

So ok I got up, I showered, did some laundry, and then dude asks “yo mom where’s the breakfast” and “I’m like make your own damn breakfast!” and then he said and she said blah blah blah I told him it was almost lunch and made some scrambled eggs. I got myself all prettied up because I was actually leaving the house today! Today was, well I thought was going to be A BIG DAY! We were going on our first tour of a potential school for my child, my one and only, my baby! NOT! We did the tour of the only elementary school in the town we live in. There are over 400 little rugrats in this k-4 school. -What-A-Nightmare- (well not for me of course I don’t have to work there…suckers!)

Well he will not be going there, I can’t even really give you a good reason…but there was no good gut feelings, so anyways we left and went to Costco for our bi-monthly shopping trip! Let me tell you Tuesdays are the best day to go to Costco…it wasnt busy and I kept my sanity…until DUN DUN DUN checkout.

So above kid leaves his toque (yup I’m Canadian), in the cart, the same cart that we just emptied out , the same cart the will be filled back up with all the same stuff and will then be pushed outside to the vehicle. Obviously I see this toque sitting in the cart, do i grab it? Nope. Logic says if I leave it in there, I know it’ll make it to the vehicle to take home FORSURE. Kids who are 4 however do not have this logic. So it begins….The MELT DOWN.  Ughhhh I’m ignoring this crying and whining. Seriously kid?! You’ll get it back. Maybe question the ol’ wise one who has the answer to everything YOUR MOTHER and I could have lovingly assured you, your toque is not lost forever. but he didn’t, so neither did I.

So here we go, leaving the store, and of course I’m kind of ticked. So we get in the car, we start driving, we head to yet another grocery store, to get all the remaining groceries Costco doesn’t have today. I shop at this place quite often…as often as I go to Costco but I thought HEY! we’ll try the one on the other side of town that I’ve never been to. BAD IDEA!

So we get there, the parking lot is full, and I mean packed…that should have been my first clue to get the fk out! But I didn’t…we snuck into a spot some bigger SUV was trying to steal from me..asshole. Phhheeew we made it, we’re parked, we’re heading in. New store, well same store, different location, how different can it be right? WRONG! I was so overwhelmed! I was lost. Stupid set up. And it was crrraazzzy busy! No one says excuse me in this store either! So anyways I made my way around the store, got everything I needed..but wait a minute, I didn’t…so here I go backtracking (which any experienced grocery shopper HATES!) anddd on our way back all I can hear is “Mom! Mom! Mooommmm! MOOMMM! Whhy are you taking so long Leeeettsss Gooooo!”Ugghhh shut up kid! So we get to the cashiers, there all backed up, and Dude goes and knocks over the dividers they have to keep shoppers lined up neatly at the tills. Seriously child? Seriously? This has the be the last of it, we’re almost done and heading home. NOPE! There is a mother and a daughter ahead of me with two carts, which no big deal EXCEPT they like to be super chatting with the cashier in training…..So clearly this cashier should not be multi-tasking, she was soooo freaking slow!! I’m sure they could see my annoyed/disgusted look on my face…I’m sure they even said something to each other about it…but hey maybe that’s just me being paranoid. Really it’s not their fault…I mean I was having a not perfect shopping day as it….but it was their fault for having the 15% off Tuesday sale making the store so hectic! First world problems.  And seriously if cashier lady wasn’t training for the job who would? definitely not me, I should be thankful. Days like today make me super appreciative I have the option to be a hermit.