Ahhh hello again! How much I’ve neglected you these last few days. I’m sorry (I’m not sorry) my life has gotten terribly uneventful recently. Not really sure how that happened. I refuse to believe it has anything to do with that pink equal sign. Is this really what happens? Your pregnant and then your life just becomes boring? Oh how I didn’t miss this. Maybe I’m just not hanging out with the right crowd anymore. Time for a new friend circle. I’ll be back once I find one. Until then, or until something crazy happens. Chow!
Long time no see..well for me anyways.. I took an extra long weekend from blogging. Didn’t have much to say, and I don’t now either. Thought I’d drop a line and let you know I’m still alive. Well Since last Wednesday, regretfully, nothing super eventful, or blogworthy if you will, has happened. I could tell you about how I couldn’t hold in my secret. You know the B word. (I’m talking about the baby). So I broke down and told my awesome step Mom. Ginger and I were waiting to tell our parents in person. My daddy-o wasn’t going to be home until, well now last Friday. He’d been away working. I had to tell the awesome step Mom. We see each other almost everyday…and even if I don’t see her, we still talk. She’s more like my best friend. I can talk to her about anything. From periods and bloating, to parenting, to sex and blow jobs, and waxing va-jay jays to what I did that wasn’t so great or exciting in my day to everything in between. Usually if we’re hanging out..when not at her house drinking coffee and smoking cigars, we go for lunch or supper, or just drinks and appys. Our favorite restaurant is Earls, so we go there a lot.. Once a week at the very least. If were not chatting Kathys over food..its tattoos. I’d say that’s our second favorite past-time. So since there’s a few of these I’ve had to cut out of schedule since being knocked up..I’ve been trying to avoid Awesome Mom. I knew I’d be all awkward, and she’d figure it out. Plus I’m a bad liar..and I’d look guilty about something I’m sure. So anyways..while doing none of previously mentioned things, we text. It’s our primary way of communication. And Screeewww you! If you think we can’t effectively show emotions or have a real emotional connection over texting. Those people who say that…do not have the emoji app…allowing to efficiently, and effectively show emotions with plain text. So anyways, that’s how I broke the news to her. Ok, maybe that was a bit impersonal..but we were texting..and I couldn’t hold it in. Not only that, she wasn’t exactly up for drinks and appys the following Friday. Not that she wasn’t up for it, but Daddy-o wasn’t sure if he’d be up for it, once he got home from work. I knew I had to make them up for it. Let them know it was important. So I broke down. I told her. Well I never came right out and said “I’m pregnant”. No. I sent her a picture of the stick I pissed on. (Ew a bit? Sorry). So it worked. After that she was on board. She said we’d keep it a secret from Daddy-o, and I told her I wouldn’t tell Ginger she knew. Secrets all around. So as far as I know Daddy-o doesn’t know Awesome Mom knew before him, which is fantastic..he might be a little upset..but can you blame me? I don’t think so…keepin a secret from your best friend, is like keeping a secret from yourself. Impossible. I wanted to tell her the minute I freaked out when I saw those two pink lines..but I knew I had to tell Ginger first..well first after I told the travel agent..and the Bestie. So now I have 2 more weeks until we can tell the In-laws. The anticipation is killing me! I’m playing it over in my head. We’ll get there. Ginger will go see what his Dad is working on, I’ll go see what Mommy In-law needs helps with..my guess is supper probably..we’ll bullshit with them, we’ll have supper. Somewhere in there I may be offered A drink..which I will accept..but not drink..just to ward of suspicion. Then Ginger will tell them the news. Mommy in-law is a crier. So she might cry, until she realizes baby B will be here when we were suppose to be leaving…then she’ll say “Didn’t I tell you? I told you, I told you so.” Not too sure what gramps gunna say. He’s a quiet guy..and hope hes not too mad about the trip being moved..Thats the trouble with quiet people. You never know quite what they’re thinking. I can usually read people pretty good. My father in-law though..no chance in hell. So usually when I can’t tell, and he might possibly be less than pleased, I smile a huge awkward unnatural smile…I’ve heard smiles are contagious..so hopefully it brightens his mood…instead of thinking that I just look stupid. And then hopefully everyone will be happy..I mean it wont be the last time a plane leaves to the DR. I hope in laws think of that right away. Like I said that’s still two weeks away..and then I have another 5 long weeks before we tell the world. By telling the world, I mean announcing it on Facebook. April Fools is coming up, and I almost considered saying I was pregnant then…but then I can’t say just kidding..and the rest of the family wont know yet. So bad idea. You’re the lucky ones. You get to know about my whole life, pretty much just when it happens. There are no secrets here. Like I said before…you don’t censor your diary. Although…maybe I’ll rethink that statement..or maybe not. Sucky eyed prudes should have left a long time ago.
Well good morning Tuesday! After I rolled off the blog yesterday, Monday wasn’t anything short of
exciting. Scratch that. I meant overwhelming. As you probably wouldn’t know yet. We (Ginger and I) are getting married in approximately exactly 9 months. Yay right? -wait for it- In the DOMINICAN!!! Paarrttaaay! Double Yay! We can’t wait. Everything is booked, I have my dress, date is picked, and invitations are sent. Already received 2 RSVPs (one was a no, but hey who’s counting). Including Ginger, myself, and Dude, there is about 40 family members and friends who have put their deposit down to spend our special day, and week, with us in Punta Cana. Nothing could be more perfect! Until yesterday. It all changes. I can’t even tell you why I did it, what gravitated me towards Shoppers, but I went in. And I only went for one specific item. It must be serious when a woman slightly addicted to shopping, and unconsciously makes it a goal to spend more than $100 in any given store in which sells merchandise only buys ONE ITEM!
A pack of gum.
Just kidding. A pregnancy test. So go home, pee on it, don’t wait 3 minutes, and look at it. Now before I tell you the results. Ginger and I have been trying for baby number 2 for the last 9 months. (what is it with 9 months everywhere?) We somewhat stopped in January…and kind of gave up…for the simple fact we have a destination wedding coming up. And if were being honest I secretly thought Ginger wasn’t working… Rude I know. But you can never never never blame yourself. Woman rule number 1) you are always right. Woman rule number 2) It is never your fault. Soo anyways… we had stopped trying. And then BAM! Two lines. Instantly. And after 3 minutes, they were the proudest damn two pink lines you ever did see. Finally a positive! Oh wait. Oh fk! Wedding is in 9 months. Babies take 9 months! Do I cry? I can’t cry we wanted this. Ok I’ll hyperventilate. Holy fk it’s for real. Oh shit my finger tips are tingling. Oh fk this anxiety can’t be good for the…the.. omfg the baby! Call Ginger. No Can’t call Ginger he’s working. Call Mom. No can’t tell mom, have to wait until person and Dads home from work. Oh no I’m going to get fat. My dress isn’t going to fit. Now I’m sobbing a bit. definitely feeling sorry for myself. Fk my mother in-law was right. Bitch. So was preggo friend. Double bitch. Fk. Fk. Fk. Fksakes for mother in-law and preggo friends for being right. I hate that mother in-law gets to say I told you so. I hate preggo friend gets to say I told you so even more. Fk shit. Fk. Shit. Fk. Email travel agent.
Subject: Uh oh..
Hey so I have a bitter sweet situation on my hands… Looks like I might be pregnant….What are mine and my guests options? Please tell me we have some. …ahhhh worst timing ever!!
Oooh that is bitter sweet! Didn’t Ginger’s mom think that was going to happen and I said don’t do it?? lol jk…
Gee wizzz I’m super glad I was so predictable people.
Call bestfriend. No answer. Waaahh. Time to go get Dude from school. Sob about dress. Almost get in accident. Pull it together woman. It’s not the end of the world. Buuuutttt it isssss the end of the wooorrrrllddd! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ok. So deep breath. Pull it together. You only have 9 months as Dude being your only child, and 4 hours to think of a cute way to tell Ginger hes going to be a dad again.
Get home, start planning. Looking up ways on the google. Then what. He pulls up. He’s home. 2 hours early. What?! Shit. scrap that idea. Ok. Just tell him. Showed him the stick. His response.
“Pee on another one in a few days then come talk to me”
Uhm what? Is this a joke? Are you being serious right now? Oh gawd now I really want to cry. Not a funny joke Ginger. Talk about your baby mama drama!
And with all this going on, I completely forgot about meeting a stranger at a gas station that I later realized doesn’t exist in my town, to drop off an item, she “bought” from me off of Facebook. I’m such a tool. Perfect example of how self centered people (me) can be. First world problems. Today I’m cool, and collected, and 2nd day of the next 9 months. Which I’m sure will be crazy with my life problems…which to anyone else wouldn’t be problems..I mean I still get a wedding, and a baby. I think I need to suck it all the fk up and deal.