Ahhh hello again! How much I’ve neglected you these last few days. I’m sorry (I’m not sorry) my life has gotten terribly uneventful recently. Not really sure how that happened. I refuse to believe it has anything to do with that pink equal sign. Is this really what happens? Your pregnant and then your life just becomes boring? Oh how I didn’t miss this. Maybe I’m just not hanging out with the right crowd anymore. Time for a new friend circle. I’ll be back once I find one. Until then, or until something crazy happens. Chow!
Long time no see..well for me anyways.. I took an extra long weekend from blogging. Didn’t have much to say, and I don’t now either. Thought I’d drop a line and let you know I’m still alive. Well Since last Wednesday, regretfully, nothing super eventful, or blogworthy if you will, has happened. I could tell you about how I couldn’t hold in my secret. You know the B word. (I’m talking about the baby). So I broke down and told my awesome step Mom. Ginger and I were waiting to tell our parents in person. My daddy-o wasn’t going to be home until, well now last Friday. He’d been away working. I had to tell the awesome step Mom. We see each other almost everyday…and even if I don’t see her, we still talk. She’s more like my best friend. I can talk to her about anything. From periods and bloating, to parenting, to sex and blow jobs, and waxing va-jay jays to what I did that wasn’t so great or exciting in my day to everything in between. Usually if we’re hanging out..when not at her house drinking coffee and smoking cigars, we go for lunch or supper, or just drinks and appys. Our favorite restaurant is Earls, so we go there a lot.. Once a week at the very least. If were not chatting Kathys over food..its tattoos. I’d say that’s our second favorite past-time. So since there’s a few of these I’ve had to cut out of schedule since being knocked up..I’ve been trying to avoid Awesome Mom. I knew I’d be all awkward, and she’d figure it out. Plus I’m a bad liar..and I’d look guilty about something I’m sure. So anyways..while doing none of previously mentioned things, we text. It’s our primary way of communication. And Screeewww you! If you think we can’t effectively show emotions or have a real emotional connection over texting. Those people who say that…do not have the emoji app…allowing to efficiently, and effectively show emotions with plain text. So anyways, that’s how I broke the news to her. Ok, maybe that was a bit impersonal..but we were texting..and I couldn’t hold it in. Not only that, she wasn’t exactly up for drinks and appys the following Friday. Not that she wasn’t up for it, but Daddy-o wasn’t sure if he’d be up for it, once he got home from work. I knew I had to make them up for it. Let them know it was important. So I broke down. I told her. Well I never came right out and said “I’m pregnant”. No. I sent her a picture of the stick I pissed on. (Ew a bit? Sorry). So it worked. After that she was on board. She said we’d keep it a secret from Daddy-o, and I told her I wouldn’t tell Ginger she knew. Secrets all around. So as far as I know Daddy-o doesn’t know Awesome Mom knew before him, which is fantastic..he might be a little upset..but can you blame me? I don’t think so…keepin a secret from your best friend, is like keeping a secret from yourself. Impossible. I wanted to tell her the minute I freaked out when I saw those two pink lines..but I knew I had to tell Ginger first..well first after I told the travel agent..and the Bestie. So now I have 2 more weeks until we can tell the In-laws. The anticipation is killing me! I’m playing it over in my head. We’ll get there. Ginger will go see what his Dad is working on, I’ll go see what Mommy In-law needs helps with..my guess is supper probably..we’ll bullshit with them, we’ll have supper. Somewhere in there I may be offered A drink..which I will accept..but not drink..just to ward of suspicion. Then Ginger will tell them the news. Mommy in-law is a crier. So she might cry, until she realizes baby B will be here when we were suppose to be leaving…then she’ll say “Didn’t I tell you? I told you, I told you so.” Not too sure what gramps gunna say. He’s a quiet guy..and hope hes not too mad about the trip being moved..Thats the trouble with quiet people. You never know quite what they’re thinking. I can usually read people pretty good. My father in-law though..no chance in hell. So usually when I can’t tell, and he might possibly be less than pleased, I smile a huge awkward unnatural smile…I’ve heard smiles are contagious..so hopefully it brightens his mood…instead of thinking that I just look stupid. And then hopefully everyone will be happy..I mean it wont be the last time a plane leaves to the DR. I hope in laws think of that right away. Like I said that’s still two weeks away..and then I have another 5 long weeks before we tell the world. By telling the world, I mean announcing it on Facebook. April Fools is coming up, and I almost considered saying I was pregnant then…but then I can’t say just kidding..and the rest of the family wont know yet. So bad idea. You’re the lucky ones. You get to know about my whole life, pretty much just when it happens. There are no secrets here. Like I said before…you don’t censor your diary. Although…maybe I’ll rethink that statement..or maybe not. Sucky eyed prudes should have left a long time ago.
Well after all the excitement in my life in the last little bit of this week, it was time to pamper myself. I got me eyelash extensions…almost. I went to a lady, who does them out of her home. Now before you jump to conclusions, and think this is sketchy, you should know a lot of people (at least in my neck of the woods-and by woods I mean province) have been to a strangers house for some sort of service at one point or another. I know nails is a popular one for ladies around here. Waxing is also available, and hair, and now looky, eyelash extensions. The lady who did mine I thought was charging a great price! 50 bucks for a set! She wanted me to come for some trial lashes to make sure I didn’t have any reaction to the glue (its medical grade). I thought this was super awesome since I’ve never had extensions before. First of all let me tell you this is a superb price, I think…because I got real mink false lashes. But..theres a catch. I have to drive 45 minutes 1 way to this ladies house. 2 days in a row. That equals 3 hours of driving time in total. Plus the 45 I had to be there for the testers..and who knows how long the full set would have taken. So anyways I pull up to this ladies house. It’s not the most beautiful or most organized of houses, but I remind Ginger that lots of people’s houses aren’t pretty in the winter. Almost a strike one. Then I ring the doorbell, no answer. Shes not home. I just drove 45 minutes and you’re not even here!? Seriously? So I text her. Yeah I had to be the one to text her. She’s on her way. Oh good. She gets there, lets me in, and before I even go to step in her door her rat-dogs (also known as Chihuahuas) are jumping and barking all over me. Ok I like animals, and no small dogs aren’t my favorite, but what if I was allergic? Did she even ask before telling me to come to her house for this appointment? Nope. Strike 1. I walk in and take a quick peek around. What do I see? McDonald’s bag with garbage at the bottom of her stairs.. which is right by the entry way, ripped up tissue from the dogs. It was one of those homes you don’t take your shoes off in. So I think maybe it’s just her dogs, tore it up and I got there the same time she did, so she never had time to clean it up. Wrongo! We had to walk though her kitchen to her dining room, which is now her make shift salon area. There are piles and piles and piles of dirty dishes in the sink, overflowing out of the sink, on the counter. Shit just stacked on top of each other. I’m sure that wasn’t the dogs fault. Strike 2. So I hop up onto the table where I have to lay..and when I say table I mean one of those beds you see in a salon when you get a wax, or massage. Lay down and she’s about to get started. Her dogs are nicely positioned right beside us. And maybe I have a heightened sense of smell, but all I could smell the entire time was piss and shit. Strike 3 and I’m grossed out. So she finished, and I could not get out of there fast enough. Today was supposed to be my full set, but you could not pay me enough money to set another foot in that house ever again. Awful. You’re wondering why I didn’t just leave when I realized what I had gotten myself into? I’m not sure…maybe I felt bad for her? I did feel a little embarrassed for her. I guess sometimes…I just try to be nice..and I really was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Plus I really wanted long lashes.
So today, before I canceled, I called my salon I normally tan at, to see how much their extensions are there. $65! Wowzers! And it’s a legit salon, and only a minute from my house. Ok there not real mink, but I was thinking. Real mink extensions what does that mean? Do I have a cats eyelashes on my lashes? Ew. Do I have a dead cat’s eyelashes on my eyeballs? Double ew. I’ll have to look into it. Or maybe I wont..the ick factor just may be too much for this girl to handle. So I made an appointment. I have to wait a couple of weeks to get in. But to me, that’s totally worth it, especially with what I just went through.
After booking the appointment I’m back on the phone. Trying to get a midwife. There are only 2 that serve preggos like me, in this area. Their answering machine says they respond once a week. I called Monday and haven’t heard anything. Yeah it’s only Wednesday, but I’m impatient! So hopefully I’ll hear back from them soon.
After this it’s time to go drop my kind off at the vet. Yes the vet, as in animal doctor. You see, in Canada… just kidding. He had a field trip there today with his class. The plan was to drop the kids off there instead of their school, and after they were done they walk back to their school. It’s about a 10 minute walk. Maybe 4 blocks. And it’s minus 2 as a low today. Not bad weather at all. Before I leave, Dude’s teacher asks me if he has a toque and mitts. Fk. So I’m quick with letting her know I was planning on picking him up..it’s kind of cold for these little ones. She lets me know that they’ll be there an hour. Shit. In my mind I know I could still be in my hair appointment so this kid needs mitts. So because contrary to your belief I actually do love my son. He’s my whole world, and it would make me a little sad knowing he froze his little fingers because I was a bad momma and didn’t have any just incase mitties. Not only that, the judgement from the teacher, and the other moms who are in ear shot would be awful, for my reputation as the good Mom that is. So I let her know (the teacher) that if I don’t think I’ll be picking him up I’ll drop those things off. So I race home. Find a toque. Perfect. I search the winter accessory bag. No mitts. Look in the kids backpacks. No mitts. Look through his messy room in all the nooks and crannies. No mitts. I look through the laundry basket of clothes that need to be folded. I think I seen a mit in there at the bottom with a few odd socks. No mitts. Fk! For a kid who literally has about 50 pairs, do you think I can find one? Nope! So yes I’m the mom who coaches my kid’s soccer team. And yes I’m the mom who stays with their kid during their “special day”, but do you think I’m the mom who can dress their kid properly for a Canadian winter?? I find two odd mitts. There the thumbless kind. Dude’s gunna hate that. But I did grab him a brand name toque..so hopefully that saved face a bit..Let’s be honest. Probably not.
He told me his field trip was good, he said he wasn’t cold on his walk. He also told me he had to wear baby mitts. Sorry Dude, clean your room, and maybe I’ll have a not baby PAIR that I can send with you next time.
Well since he hasn’t gotten to cleaning that room yet, I better get off here and get him to it…for the sake of matching mittens.
Well good morning Tuesday! After I rolled off the blog yesterday, Monday wasn’t anything short of
exciting. Scratch that. I meant overwhelming. As you probably wouldn’t know yet. We (Ginger and I) are getting married in approximately exactly 9 months. Yay right? -wait for it- In the DOMINICAN!!! Paarrttaaay! Double Yay! We can’t wait. Everything is booked, I have my dress, date is picked, and invitations are sent. Already received 2 RSVPs (one was a no, but hey who’s counting). Including Ginger, myself, and Dude, there is about 40 family members and friends who have put their deposit down to spend our special day, and week, with us in Punta Cana. Nothing could be more perfect! Until yesterday. It all changes. I can’t even tell you why I did it, what gravitated me towards Shoppers, but I went in. And I only went for one specific item. It must be serious when a woman slightly addicted to shopping, and unconsciously makes it a goal to spend more than $100 in any given store in which sells merchandise only buys ONE ITEM!
A pack of gum.
Just kidding. A pregnancy test. So go home, pee on it, don’t wait 3 minutes, and look at it. Now before I tell you the results. Ginger and I have been trying for baby number 2 for the last 9 months. (what is it with 9 months everywhere?) We somewhat stopped in January…and kind of gave up…for the simple fact we have a destination wedding coming up. And if were being honest I secretly thought Ginger wasn’t working… Rude I know. But you can never never never blame yourself. Woman rule number 1) you are always right. Woman rule number 2) It is never your fault. Soo anyways… we had stopped trying. And then BAM! Two lines. Instantly. And after 3 minutes, they were the proudest damn two pink lines you ever did see. Finally a positive! Oh wait. Oh fk! Wedding is in 9 months. Babies take 9 months! Do I cry? I can’t cry we wanted this. Ok I’ll hyperventilate. Holy fk it’s for real. Oh shit my finger tips are tingling. Oh fk this anxiety can’t be good for the…the.. omfg the baby! Call Ginger. No Can’t call Ginger he’s working. Call Mom. No can’t tell mom, have to wait until person and Dads home from work. Oh no I’m going to get fat. My dress isn’t going to fit. Now I’m sobbing a bit. definitely feeling sorry for myself. Fk my mother in-law was right. Bitch. So was preggo friend. Double bitch. Fk. Fk. Fk. Fksakes for mother in-law and preggo friends for being right. I hate that mother in-law gets to say I told you so. I hate preggo friend gets to say I told you so even more. Fk shit. Fk. Shit. Fk. Email travel agent.
Subject: Uh oh..
Hey so I have a bitter sweet situation on my hands… Looks like I might be pregnant….What are mine and my guests options? Please tell me we have some. …ahhhh worst timing ever!!
Oooh that is bitter sweet! Didn’t Ginger’s mom think that was going to happen and I said don’t do it?? lol jk…
Gee wizzz I’m super glad I was so predictable people.
Call bestfriend. No answer. Waaahh. Time to go get Dude from school. Sob about dress. Almost get in accident. Pull it together woman. It’s not the end of the world. Buuuutttt it isssss the end of the wooorrrrllddd! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ok. So deep breath. Pull it together. You only have 9 months as Dude being your only child, and 4 hours to think of a cute way to tell Ginger hes going to be a dad again.
Get home, start planning. Looking up ways on the google. Then what. He pulls up. He’s home. 2 hours early. What?! Shit. scrap that idea. Ok. Just tell him. Showed him the stick. His response.
“Pee on another one in a few days then come talk to me”
Uhm what? Is this a joke? Are you being serious right now? Oh gawd now I really want to cry. Not a funny joke Ginger. Talk about your baby mama drama!
And with all this going on, I completely forgot about meeting a stranger at a gas station that I later realized doesn’t exist in my town, to drop off an item, she “bought” from me off of Facebook. I’m such a tool. Perfect example of how self centered people (me) can be. First world problems. Today I’m cool, and collected, and 2nd day of the next 9 months. Which I’m sure will be crazy with my life problems…which to anyone else wouldn’t be problems..I mean I still get a wedding, and a baby. I think I need to suck it all the fk up and deal.
Rolled out of bed, made a Pinterest breakfast. It tasted like ass. Thats 4 for the Pinterest fails. I look like shit, I’ve got bed head, bags under my eyes, but at least I’m enjoying my morning Keurig coffee. Sounds just like a Monday to me. House is a disaster, after the weekend of no cleaning. Make that a long weekend. I never ended cleaning on my Friday cleaning day either.Days like today make me think seriously about hiring someone to come in even once a month to clean everything. Ginger (my fiance) and I had talked seriously about it once..having someone come in once every 3 months to do the walls, carpets etc…but he must have forgotten to take his frugal pills that morning, because if I ever brought it up to him again…he’d probably laugh, and question why I can’t do it. My argument of doing such things other than cooking and cleaning, and making sure Dude doesn’t die, never seem to hold up. So much freedom with being a house hermit, but then again, so much is expected…I’m so hard done by I know.
So this weekend was well alright. It was more like a long weekend because the brat didn’t have school on Friday. What is it with all the no school days anyways? Am I paying for all these teacher workshop things? Probably am…do they even have those in preschool? My guess is no. So enjoy your day off while I pay for your mani-pedi and lunch at Earls. The only reason Dude is even in preschool, was so he could interact with other kids. Hanging out with your momma all day everyday probably wasn’t teaching him a whole lot of well…much. After all the basics why would I..my first view on all that was ship em off to school that’s what teachers are for. After that school tour I don’t think that’s the route we’ll be going. I’m kind of half expected to homeschool (even if I’m not actually). Almost everyone on my side of the family does. I wasn’t myself. But I did hate school. I’m on the fence if I actually would have wanted to be. Ginger wishes he was. All the family I have is pretty awesome. Not to brag or anything. There not all weirdo-socially-retarded kids whos mothers make all their clothes. (not that theres anything wrong with a little homemade here or there). But you see where I’m getting. Theres sterotypes, lets not pretend…but lets open our minds a bit to know that not every homeschooler is homely.
Anyways totally off topic. I was going to tell you about my weekend! Saturday was Awesome! Ginger and I got together with our special friends (my only friends) and took them for a steam bath. No not together. I didn’t get to see girlfriend naked. Even for me that might have been a bit far when were trying to stay on the friendship scale of things. Topless is one thing but naked…well you get it. As far as we know they enjoyed it. We did, and we always do. If your not familar with what it means to go steam bathing..Google it. Last winter we’d go every week. What a nice way it was to end off the work week, and help rid your body of toxins…that is before you go and down a few cold ones. Thats exactly what we did this time too. Kind of contradictory I know, but it’s kind of become a tradition for Ginger and I. You steam, you drink. thats just the way it is. We tried out the Brewhouse for the first time for all of us. For me it was a little loud, but drinks were awesome, and the food was even better. If your a Canadian, or visiting Canada make sure you do check out the Canadian Brewhouse. If you like mozza sticks you’ll love the ones they have there. It’s orange cheddar and the cheese is completed melted inside…melted cheesey, deep fried goodness. Get in my BELL-AY!!! The deep fried pickles are well just alright..I prefer Hooters, but its not something that you can come by very often so its a treat. Everyone said the double dill wings were really good, and we had nachos, and deep fried perogies. Get the nachos forsure but with everything we had, you do not need a full order. The perogies I wouldn’t order again..they make them sound like they’re homemade. There not. If you’ve ever had homemade perogies, store bought just doesn’t compare..but if you haven’t I suppose they’re pretty good. The ninja turtle danggler (i think thats what those neat drinks are called) is yummerz! Its a shot in a glass you drink through a straw..it tastes like melted slushy. mm mmm yum! Of course I drank caesars..the West End was my favorite. They have a whole list of different caesars they make, and they list the ingredients. This was totally up my alley. If you go on a Saturday you get to drink whatever beer they give you..in a boot…not oringinal your thinking..well you get to keep this boot! Now thats exciting for those of you who steal mugs for your collection! Now you don’t have to! That probably takes some of the excitement out of taking the mug home, but if your a play it by the rules kinda gal like me, this one really floats your boat.
Sunday was a more of a relaxing day. I took the rugrat out, and we spent the day watching my younger bros bonspeil. Whats a bonspiel you ask. Why its a curling tournament. For those of you not familiar with curling (as I am not also) the thought that curling is somehow boring..is well..still true. That is if you don’t have family curling..or your watching it on TV. Then I can totally see how curling would be well boring. As contrary to belief curling is actually intense! And it really is a lot harder than it looks! Theres so much thought and precision put into it! I thought you just threw the rock down the ice and hope in landed in the middle of the circle.. (which is called a button for you lack-of-curling-educated-people)..
Ginger got off early Sunday so we headed home after sometime at the arena, to spend the rest of the afternoon with him..turns out he got off even earlier than expected..and we planned to spend the rest of the day together… His idea of spending the day together was napping. Oh brother. I get you work all week, and my life is pretty easy..but I wished I would have just stayed and watched the bros..that was much more exciting. Oh well I guess. Its not his last day (or afternoon) off ever..and its not the last time I’ll see a bonspiel. So not the end of the world.
The relaxing afternoon at home gave me time to check up on my eBay..I actually won a purse yesterday..2nd one in a week..so I guess bidding isn’t that bad. It may becoming an addiction..bidding that is..There is a auction wars group on Facebook for my area. Lucky me won eye lash extensions. Woohoo! I don’t care how fake you may think it is. I’m blessing myself with what God forgot to bless me with. I’m all for body modification if it makes you feel better about yourself. Not saying every 17 year old girl should go out and get a boob job…but sometimes what should be in the cards..always isn’t..and if you don’t cross the -over-the-top- line than I think its fine… But that’s my view on it. If I ever have a daughter, and you ask me when she’s 16 what my views are on the situation.. I can not say if I’d still honestly agree with what I’m saying now. But as for now, I have a son in preschool, that I’m pretty sure doesn’t want a boob job or eyelash extensions anytime in the near future (and hopefully never). Speaking of preschool, its probably time I see him off.
Yesterday mother in-law texts. She’s out shopping around at the mall with her buddy, and asked if I’d meet them for lunch…We ended up going to a restaurant I actually like, and let me assure you, it isn’t fast food. That wasnt the only bonus about lunch yesterday. Not one comment was uttered about anything I eat…or dont. Woohoo! Progress! So the lady I portrayed as the monster in-law really isn’t. Let me make this clear. She was not fit for the monster in-law title before yesterday. I can be a little dramatic sometimes (mainly all the time). She’s a wonderful woman…she’s very opinionated, as am I. I just know for the sake of our relationship I keep my lips zipped when she’s around. Yes, oh I totally agree, Yeah I guess your right, I’ve never thought of it that way. See how un-opinionated I can be? Blah that’s boring. But I’m sure your guilty of it too. So cut the crap of be yourself blah blah blah. If you have in-laws, you know how to play the cards. Your other halve knows your whole half, which I guess is just your whole, and that’s who your with anyways…right! So lunch went well, Buddy who’s loud, and a woman that needs no other description was actually…well quite. What the fk! Well quiet lunches can make for a pretty boring and awkward, uneventful afternoon. Might aswell of sat in a corner facing table by myself. Sheesh! I suppose it’s the company of others I should be enjoying. It was a lot of so who hows the weather?, yeah remember the weather that day? Dude eat your (disgusting) potatoes, why are you going lingerie shopping? whats the occasion, oh Mexico? Cool!
So as you can see, It’s not like I look for eventful, or exciting things to go on during my day, they just happen. So when I get a day like yesterday thrown in, you can see how disappointing it can be…for me anyways…and probably for you too, if your actually reading through all of my daily posts.
You know what I can thrown in today… I could tell you about my love for online shopping, and especially eBay! But you know what I really can’t fking stand?! Being outbid! You know when you find something you want, buying outright isn’t and option..you have 2 days left and there has been ZERO bidding history…then you bid and BAM! your counter bidding every 5 minutes! Fk I hate that. Like as if its not the seller, bidding on another eBay account. Arrrgg! You know what else really grinds my gears. Loosing the remote. Not the TV remote..I could care less about that one. But the sound bar. This morning was supposed to be a morning of watching Frankinweenie with Dude, but no sound bar remote to be found. Screw that idea if I can’t feel like I’m in the theatre. Dude’s now being forced to clean his room to help find said remote. I’ve looked everywhere! I may have just maybe thrown it out, the day I was cleaning that was NOT cleaning day. Remember? The day speedy prix went for a rip and we had our special company over. Of course it went missing after that day so deep down I really want to blame them. Hey bitch you took my remote! Give it back! But then I start thinking sensible. What would they want with a remote anyways? Yeah exactly, nothing. I guess I should get down to really really looking for that thing… I’ve looked in all the obvious missing remote places, and there is no way I’m digging through the garbage outside. So If anyone had any helpful, unlikely places to suggest, I would greatly appreciate it.
Spoiled brat who can’t watch regular sounding TV
Ahhhh finally sitting down to a nice cup of Keurig coffee and a Tim Horton’s breakfast wrap. Yumm. Sausage and egg without the sausage but I do want the savory sauce please. So you’d like an egg wrap? Yes and the cheese and savory sauce. I sometimes wonder if it’s me….I know it makes sense to just order an egg wrap, but I don’t want my cheese or sauce forgotten about…oh well I see my logic behind it….wish I would have gotten a bagel…next time.
So yesterday there was a nice ceiling fan on Kijiji, it even had lights on it for 35 benos, I was the lucky buckeroo who got to pick it up! Yay me! Turns out this lady has a whole bunch of shit she’s selling out of her trailer, lots of neat shit! Ice maker, blinds, wedding stuff, kitchen stuff, stereos, BBQ, Disney pictures, furniture, you name it! So while I was there I was even lucky enough to get a tour of her home. I mentioned being in the the buying market in the next few years. Stupid me. Next time I’ll clarify I don’t hang with the trailer park boys. Oh only kidding. What a derogatory name for someone who simples lives in a mobile home. “trash”….I feel like I’m allowed to use the term “trailer trash” because I once lived in one. I think we all have at some point in our lives, or know someone who has, or does. And honestly, our trailer was nice. Last time I seen trash with hardwood floors was um never. And anyways, living somewhere a little less desirable at some point in your life, is not a bad idea. For me anyways, it was good, you really appreciate when you move. So back to fan lady. I only had enough cash for the fan..I mean who carries cash around now a days anyways? Exactly. So after finally getting to leave this chatty salesperson woman, I headed back home. Got myself and all my papers I needed, for that appointment I told you about yesterday, headed back into the big city to grab more cash and then thought I’d treat salesperson woman with my presence once more. I went to pick up a mystery box! It had 2 small crackpots, a waffle maker, a food scale, some new thermoses, and a george foremen! So $30 for that and I proudly got a steal of a deal on the fan for $30 making that a grand total of a bunch of new shit for the house for 3 green ones. I love me a good deal. My man loves it more. He’s a Kijijiaholic so he’s much more experienced than I.
So yeah anyways I headed into town to pick up my new box of goodies, headed to get my man from work so we could go to our appointment with our accountant together. Well we get there. We’re 5 minutes early. We wait. No sign. Give her a minute I know she has to drive from the other side of town. Wait another 5. Text her to say we’re running late just grabbing our kid some mick dicks and say we’ll be over. (Sneaky sneaky us). She then texts and lets me know something came up, we need to reschedule. Fk that noise something came up. Just tell me you forgot our appointment and that’s why you have to cancel. Sheesh! And you know, it wouldn’t have been such a terrible thing to just skip the meeting, but as you know, I had a date yesterday. A date to envy the girlfriend be all bendy and sweaty (just envy the bendy part, I sweat enough on my own). I don’t actually know if she’s real bendy, but she was a dancer, and she has a great ass, so I’m just assuming. Even if I would have been able to voluntarily opt out of yoga, it was also Knitting Club last night. Thank yoooouuu sweetheart. Sure life comes up, people forget, nobodies perfect (except me clearly), and it should not be a big deal, life goes on. I even have a cliché ”Cést la vie” tattoo. Maybe I should remember to take a chill pill and stop being such a stress ball all the time. But that’s not the point. The point is, she’s the professional, this is what I pay her to do. I could have got all hot and sweaty and knit me some dish cloths while drinking wine.
Sooo she rescheduled. I’m already bit bitter about this situation…and then she wants to schedule for next Thursday. Ay yi yi. I let her pick the day and time this time, to ensure she actually remembers to show up. So we’ll see.
The mother in-law texts me last night, says she’ll be in town today with her buddy. Who I also know. She’s loud. And a woman. No other description needed. Not sure what time they’ll be around today. They’ll probably want to meet somewhere for lunch, which I would always agree to do. I love my mother in-law, but I’m sure she’ll want to eat at some fast food restaurant just so she can watch me suffer, while I pick out this and that out of my order. I am a bit fussy I know. And I don’t actually suffer. She very openly disagrees with my eating habits. Which I’ve never tried to force on her or her son. I’m not sure why people get all funny about things that don’t affect their life in any which way. It’s okay she doesn’t get it, and I don’t care if she ever does…but it sure gets annoying when your being told what you should eat when you’re a grown ass woman. Thank you, but I’ll pick my own food, the same as I pick my own clothes, and brush my own teeth. Once I’m too old to wipe my own ass, then feed me what you want. But until then..live and let live. I should be careful, with criticizing. I’m very quick to point out she can be judgemental, but then I would be lying if I said I never was. I mean who isn’t? Can you say hypocrite. But whatever, it happens, and the world is still spinning. Coffees now getting cold, and if mother in-law decides to drop by, I have a house to clean. You know the special cleaning I only reserve for special guests i.e. The in-laws. Fk. It’s Friday. Shit. I guess there’s no skipping corners today. Better go get my housewife handcuffs on to scrub the toilet. Joy.
Well its a new day today, and after last night, I’m feeling pretty good about it. Our much-anticipated guests were late. I wondered if they got lost, checking out the window every 2 minutes, like a child waiting for their Daddy to come home. Nah they weren’t lost, I’d put money on it that they stopped for a quickie on the side of the road. I never did ask, I mean how could I? It was only our 3rd time seeing the two of them together, and I want to keep the girlfriend, so I refrained from any boinking comments last night. So I made the chicken, burnt the bottom a bit, but I didn’t have any anyways, sooo whatevs. I didn’t overcook the asparagus and I made what I thought was a delicious salad. Supper overall, I’d say, was a success! Woohoo! Well the boys of course drank beer and us girls polished off all the wine I had in the house (who knew she was a wine drinker!), we moved to coolers, and talked our way until I couldn’t drink anymore. Wiggly pop anyways…unless I wanted a sickly sweet cooler again. Gag. So I drank COOOFFEEEEE. Weeehooo big mistake! But later on that. They took speedy prix for the test drive, I think they liked her too! I didn’t want to ask too much, didn’t want to make it awkward incase she wasn’t for them. There taking her to a dealership at some point to have her looked over mechanically. I know I know, trust issue much? Kidding it’s not like that. But like I’ve told you before, they’re our only (well my only) friends here, so the last thing I want is to go selling them a piece of junk. The silver bullet isn’t, but it is a 99 so better safe than sorry!
So no they didn’t take my beloved car last night, but I did get American Netflix, and two sweet apps out of the deal! I’ve been snapchatting all morning! If you don’t have this app already you really should check it out! You take a pic, send it to one of your snapchat friends, and they can view it for as long as their finger stays on the screen, after that the picture lasts a max of 10 seconds. Then BOOM gone forever. I know what your thinking.The same thing I am. This app gives a whole new meaning to sending dirty pictures. A revolution in the sexting industry. “Snapchat helping make your work day more exciting and increasing the population since 2013″ The other is Songza, an app with already generated playlists. What you’r suggested depends on the time of day and what you’re doing, its pretty saaweeet!…Oh and the best part of both of these apps, there free. Which is awesome, especially if your like me and your dear future husband makes you cut up or block 3/4 of all your credit cards. Bye Bye iTunes..and more devastating..online shopping WAAAHHHHHHHH!
I think I made a good impression last night because before girlfriend left, she asked ME what I was doing this weekend! Yup she asked me out on a date…were going swimming. Hot girls in tiny bikinis, your picturing aren’t ya….well sorry bro, it won’t be like that. Dude of course is coming. What kind of mother would I be if I was hanging out with a hot chick in a bikini and didn’t take him along. He’ll thank me for it one day, I’m sure. Along with this near future plan I was also invited to yoga. My man was all up for this as soon as girlfriend mentioned yoga positions. Downward dog was the one that made is tongue hang from his mouth. Well sweetheart, not everything is as it seems…oh yeah its hot yoga..dripping wet with sweat. Which I like, but after seeing your woman panting, and perspiring more than you, I’m sure that would make downward dog highly unattractive. Unless your into that of course. So maybe…but I won’t know, I’m not going. Not today anyways. We have a meeting with our accountant tonight…and even if we didn’t. It’s Thursday. Whats Thursday you ask? Why its knitting club! Yup I’m a knitter. Thought it’d be a good skill to learn. Thank you YouTube! I started the knitting club, you could probably even find my ad on Kijiji if you looked really hard. There is only myself and one other person in my knitting club. My step mom. She’s not old, and she’s awesome, so get that granny idea out of your head. When we started knitting we discovered other more experienced, or advanced if you will, knitters get together. Not to stereotype, but they were all old ladies, and kind of stuck up looking if you ask me. Oh and most importantly, we would have had to disguise our wine with coffee to go cups. So we made our own club. Who needs an excuse to drink wine? Well you don’t, but it sure makes us mothers feel alot better when we have a valid one.
Back to wine. I should have stopped drinking when we ran out last night. Never should I ever have switched to coffee. After our guests left, sleep was not in the cards for me. So I decided, hey lets creep all my new bestfriends pictures on Instagram…and then. My. Phone. Died. Laying in the dark. No phone. No charger. Fk. So I get up and head to the livingroom. Get myself all set up for this American Netflix (YAY!). Do you think I could choose what to watch? There is soooo much more! I settled on Teen Mom. I followed the season in 2009 when it came out..but I’m sure I missed a few so it’ll be my go to T.V. show whenever I get a chance. By that I mean whenever the rugrat decides toys are cool. One after another after another, until I was tired. Bedtime for me was quarter to three (<-look at me go I’m a regular Dr. Seuss). So as you can see from the title of this post, I am sleep hung over as fk today. I woke up early, even, before 9! No I didn’t shit the bed. I’m not really sure why so early, but I already have got a lot accomplished. I mean I’m still not dressed, but the kid got breakfast, and we made rice krispie squares…the orea chunk kind. Thank you Pinterest. God I love that app! Kid wants some of the mentioned squares, so I’m out for the day, parenting calls.
So its just about 11 am and I’m sitting looking at this wonderful blog, drinking my midmorning coffee wondering Where the Heck Are all My Followers?
In due time Watson. Just think of your pinterest, you mean pinning machine.
So far I’ve only posted once, and who wants to follow some one hit wonder? Not me. Except for I still dont mind me a little “I touch myself “every now and again. ( I’m talking about The Divinyls)
So as I sit here I’m pondering all the daily things I have to do today..procrastinating really if we’re being honest with each other. Well it’ll start off with getting the rugrat to preschool..there having a bring your stuffed pet to school day. Baby Mumble was the pick of the litter. He’s a penguin, a tiny one (awwe cuuttee) that we picked up while we were away on a mini-cay last year around this time (sans children of course). So then the next on the list of possible things to do today is to tan or not to tan? It’s addictive you know? Like cigarettes. I’ve already got enough of a tan, especially for wintery March, but I’ve put so much time and energy into getting here. Theres a fine line between natural bronzed, and baked carrot, and the tanner themselves never does seem to see it. Maybe I should skip the tan today. If I skip the tan I jump right back to getting home and cleaning the house. I usually have cleaning days Monday and Friday, where I clean the whole house. I didn’t clean Monday and we’re having company over tonight. Friends of ours are taking a car we have for a test drive, and might as well feed them if there going to be here anyways.
Well depending on the company I don’t usually make sure the house is spotless if the visitors don’t happen to be coming on a cleaning day. I only reserve the special cleaning for when the future in-laws will be stopping by. But these guests are different. It’s a work friend of my dear other half, and his girlfriend. The pressure is on. I’ll tell you why. Well I don’t have many friends here. and by many I mean zero. Shocker I Know. The couple has never been to our house yet, so to ensure they’ll come back I’ll even be lighting the candles tonight, and making sure the box of kleenex is visible. Every good house host knows you better have candles and kleenex for your guests. I’m feeding them chicken tonight, the dish I feed when we have any kind of guests over. Chicken breasts stuffed with cream cheese and all the fixings. Heart attack in a piece of decomposing animal flesh yum! When feeding your mans buddies, you must make sure not to fk it up, you need to be the house wifey that your man brags about when you’re not around, when he’s at work…and it looks even better if while he’s bragging, another dude backs him. Annnnddd The trophy wife award goes toooooo….Yay me! Well we’ll see. I also have to clean said car out for the test drive. I haven’t drove the speedy prix in a couple of months now, so who knows what condition the inside is in. It’ll be bitter sweet to see the silver bullet go, but as I hope she does, so shall I, for now anyways. Chow!
So here I am, fat pants on, and a glass in hand, sitting behind my laptop twiddling my thumbs as to where I should start telling you, about what is to you, the very first day of my life.
Lets see hmmm, well it only makes sense to tell you about the beginning… Let me take you back to 2 pm. Yup that’s right 2 pm was the start of my day. Ok well I was up before 2, but I was mostly laying in bed pinteresting the morning away. Dude was watching Netflix, and when that happens I could be dead for all he knows. Everyone with a 4 year old addicted to T.V. knows that parenting is only optional while children are in zoned in on the flat screen.
So ok I got up, I showered, did some laundry, and then dude asks “yo mom where’s the breakfast” and “I’m like make your own damn breakfast!” and then he said and she said blah blah blah I told him it was almost lunch and made some scrambled eggs. I got myself all prettied up because I was actually leaving the house today! Today was, well I thought was going to be A BIG DAY! We were going on our first tour of a potential school for my child, my one and only, my baby! NOT! We did the tour of the only elementary school in the town we live in. There are over 400 little rugrats in this k-4 school. -What-A-Nightmare- (well not for me of course I don’t have to work there…suckers!)
Well he will not be going there, I can’t even really give you a good reason…but there was no good gut feelings, so anyways we left and went to Costco for our bi-monthly shopping trip! Let me tell you Tuesdays are the best day to go to Costco…it wasnt busy and I kept my sanity…until DUN DUN DUN checkout.
So above kid leaves his toque (yup I’m Canadian), in the cart, the same cart that we just emptied out , the same cart the will be filled back up with all the same stuff and will then be pushed outside to the vehicle. Obviously I see this toque sitting in the cart, do i grab it? Nope. Logic says if I leave it in there, I know it’ll make it to the vehicle to take home FORSURE. Kids who are 4 however do not have this logic. So it begins….The MELT DOWN. Ughhhh I’m ignoring this crying and whining. Seriously kid?! You’ll get it back. Maybe question the ol’ wise one who has the answer to everything YOUR MOTHER and I could have lovingly assured you, your toque is not lost forever. but he didn’t, so neither did I.
So here we go, leaving the store, and of course I’m kind of ticked. So we get in the car, we start driving, we head to yet another grocery store, to get all the remaining groceries Costco doesn’t have today. I shop at this place quite often…as often as I go to Costco but I thought HEY! we’ll try the one on the other side of town that I’ve never been to. BAD IDEA!
So we get there, the parking lot is full, and I mean packed…that should have been my first clue to get the fk out! But I didn’t…we snuck into a spot some bigger SUV was trying to steal from me..asshole. Phhheeew we made it, we’re parked, we’re heading in. New store, well same store, different location, how different can it be right? WRONG! I was so overwhelmed! I was lost. Stupid set up. And it was crrraazzzy busy! No one says excuse me in this store either! So anyways I made my way around the store, got everything I needed..but wait a minute, I didn’t…so here I go backtracking (which any experienced grocery shopper HATES!) anddd on our way back all I can hear is “Mom! Mom! Mooommmm! MOOMMM! Whhy are you taking so long Leeeettsss Gooooo!”Ugghhh shut up kid! So we get to the cashiers, there all backed up, and Dude goes and knocks over the dividers they have to keep shoppers lined up neatly at the tills. Seriously child? Seriously? This has the be the last of it, we’re almost done and heading home. NOPE! There is a mother and a daughter ahead of me with two carts, which no big deal EXCEPT they like to be super chatting with the cashier in training…..So clearly this cashier should not be multi-tasking, she was soooo freaking slow!! I’m sure they could see my annoyed/disgusted look on my face…I’m sure they even said something to each other about it…but hey maybe that’s just me being paranoid. Really it’s not their fault…I mean I was having a not perfect shopping day as it….but it was their fault for having the 15% off Tuesday sale making the store so hectic! First world problems. And seriously if cashier lady wasn’t training for the job who would? definitely not me, I should be thankful. Days like today make me super appreciative I have the option to be a hermit.